Burbank, CA—Warner Brothers actually took the time yesterday to call a press conference and announce to a large contingency of entertainment journalists who obviously had better things to do that they will begin filming next month of a remake of the 1992 “movie” “Freejack.” 

The original “film,” which starred Emilio Estevez, Rene Russo and Anthony Hopkins, was SPOILER ALERT: about a Formula One racecar driver who was pulled from his car mere seconds before dying in a terrible auto wreck during a race, and is brought to the future to inhabit Anthony Hopkins’ body so he can trick Rene Russo into falling in love with him. Or something like that. And Mick Jagger chases Estevez a lot throughout the “movie” also. 

Warner Brothers spokesman Eli Pierce said the studio is in final negotiations with the cast, and that the entire company is abuzz with excitement over the new project. 

“We know that sci-fi fans have literally been clamoring for another ‘Freejack’ film. I honestly get scores, dozens of letters in the mail every day from fans of the first film who have either loved it for more than 25 years, or have recently been introduced to the picture, who tell us how great it is,” Pierce said. “We know they’re excited, and this is for them.”

Pierce confirmed that Eloise Mumford has been cast in the role played by Rene Russo in the 1992 version, with Taylor Kinney playing the role originated by Emilio Estevez and John Hannah as the old man played by Anthony Hopkins originally. Denzel Washington has signed on to play the Mick Jagger character. 

Pierce said no writer has been attached to the project yet, and no director has been blackmailed into having his name associated with this impending train wreck. Filming is expected to begin in Atlanta in early August.