Celebrating three years of The Daily Quarterly. (There was a slight misunderstanding at the cake shop.)
We don’t remember if it was Voltaire or Floyd the Barber who said, “If you can make it to your third anniversary as a satirical news website, that’s really quite an achievement,” but which ever wise man it was, we humbly agree.
And to reach this milestone in an environment of ridiculously short attention spans, Snapchat and Honey Boo-boo, well, we’re even more proud. And despite being on The Illuminati’s watch list, at that!
But as long as there are idiot athletes out there lying and cheating (and there always are), or films to be made with Denzel Washington in roles of varying sizes, or just jerks acting like the jerks they are, then we’ll be here to inform you about them. Has A-Rod sued anybody else lately? Just give us a minute, we’ll let you know!
There is never a shortage of idiocy in the world (look for that on a mug coming soon), and we pledge to unmask the idiots and say they’re naked, just like the emperor, as long as he isn’t shooting Force Lightning at us. Or whatever.
And like Tony Romo remaining the starter for the Dallas Cowboys of Dallas despite having only one playoff win in eight season’s (look it up), we have no intention of quitting anytime soon, regardless of the results or numbers. He should run for congress when he’s done. One accomplishment in eight years is par for the course.
Oh. Enter shameless plug for “Harnessing the Power of Spite To Achieve Your Goals” here. Take notes, kids. That right there was a classic segue. Not to be confused with a Segway Classic.
So here’s to three great years of bringing you all the information on the web you can choke down, and to dozens more.
You are now informed. Go and do likewise.