████, The Company That Brought You The Electronic Cigarette Now Brings You The Electonic Joint, ██████

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Electronic Joint██████████, ██—████, the company that somehow brought to market an electronic cigarette that is sold in thousands of stores around the country, now has a product to replace marijuana cigarettes with electronic marijuana cigarettes: ██████.

The pitch on their website reads, in part, “”Let’s keep it real – old school marijuana cigarettes can cost you lots of scratch, leave you with the munchies, and, depending on where you live, are ‘illegal.’ ██████ now gives you all the things you crave about smoking pot, without all the hassle from Big Brother. This unique design, realistic pot flavor and long-lasting battery is gonna make us the #1-selling brand of electronic marijuana cigarettes on the market.”

████ ██████████, spokesman for ████, said this was the logical next step in their businesss model. “We never really thought we could convince people to buy a smokeless, electronic cigarette when we first pitched the idea years ago,” ██████████ said. “But that worked. So we figured, what the hell, if we can sell that, we can surely sell this product.”

██████████ insisted that the product contains no real THC, the main active chemical in marijuana, and thus is not illegal. He said the company puts a THC-like substance in the cigarettes to mimic the feeling of smoking pot, but would not say what the substance is, citing trade secrets.

The company will target college students at first, setting up booths on college campuses and at football games that giveaway hemp t-shirts with the ██████ logo on the front, as well as pot trivia contests where winners will receive the starter kits, valued at $119.95.

██████████ said the next step in the marketing campaign is to get a celebrity spokesman. “I don’t want to tip our hand, but we’re currently speaking to quite a large number of celebrities,” ██████████ said. “We were floored at the number of entertainers who contacted us about wanting to be the ██████ spokesperson.”

██████████ said he could not confirm names, but rumors are flying that the celebrities on the short list to be the company’s spokesman include Snoop Dogg, Seth Rogen, Kevin Smith and Woody Harrelson.

Editor’s note: Somebody didn’t particularly enjoy this article, and sent us this enjoinder:

This firm represents ███████, ███. d/b/a ████ (“███████”), a company which sells and markets electronic cigarettes (http://www.████.com). ███████ owns a registered US trademark for ████, registration no. ███████ (“████® mark”). The trademark was first used in commerce on ███. ██, ████. Recently, your posting regarding the ██████ has come to our attention. See attached. Your use of ██████ to constitute trademark infringement and unfair competition in violation of Federal law (Lanham Act), as it uses a confusingly similar term to the registered trademark ████ and would likely lead to consumer confusion as to affiliation, sponsorship, source of origin, or endorsement. Moreover, your use of ██████ in a posting constitutes trade disparagement and trade libel under state law, in addition to state law claims for trademark infringement and unfair competition. ███████ requests that you take down this posting by 5:00 p.m. Eastern time Thursday, October 27. If you do not, ███████ may institute legal proceedings against you.   

 

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