A view of the cab that allegedly "transformed" into a robot. Lexicographers are struggling to come up with a word to adequately describe what they saw. Carmaton is being tossed around. Vehiclebot was my suggestion, but no one seems into it. Image Credit: Scott Meadow, George Rex, Stuart Fannon
By: Scott Meadow, Contributing Robot Reporter
New York—Local Wall Street worker Tim Johnson was shocked today when his cab suddenly transformed into a huge robot in front of him.
Johnson was on his way to work on what was an otherwise completely normal day. “It’s been such a hassle to get into the office since the protests started,” said Johnson, “so I left an hour early this morning. The cab driver looked totally normal. He didn’t speak, but I can’t understand most cabbies anyway. When he mounted the curb — again pretty normal — I got out, and before I’d gotten a step or two away, the entire cab transformed itself into some sort of huge robot, right before my eyes! I don’t know what you’d call something like that, something that transforms from one thing into something else, but it was pretty amazing!”
The nameless entity was seen by at least a dozen eyewitnesses before stomping off down the street with an apparent sense of purpose, smashing concrete and asphalt with each heavy step.
One witness, Wall Street protester Naomi Watson, a student at NYU, was less than 20 feet from the entity and took several pictures with her iPhone 4S, each of them too blurry for publication.
“My boyfriend and I were standing right here, making out,” Watson said, pointing to a spot on the sidewalk. “This thing, whatever it is, transforms right in front of us and then walks off down the street. I wanted to get it on video for my YouTube channel, but I couldn’t find the app in time,” said Watson. “F***ing Steve Jobs!” she added upon reflection.
A spokesman for the New York police department, Lt. Frank Capasian, said we were “out of [our] f***ing minds,” before advising us to vacate the police station immediately.
“Whatever this thing is, you can follow its path down Wall Street for a few hundred feet before all the road damage stops,” said Stan McDougal, a worker with the New York City DOT. “I guess then it transformed back into a cab or something,” speculated McDougal. “Someone should really come up with a name for whatever these transforming robot things should be called.”
Read more of Scott Meadow’s award-winning tomfoolery as head writer and editor of Irreverent Magazine.