TDQ Investigates: What Happened To The Story-Telling Peddler At The Beginning Of “Aladdin?”

Agrabah City

Flyers have been put up around Agrabah city. The Daily Quarterly vows to get to the bottom of this mystery. Or, at least, scratch the surface very deeply.

Of the several, nay, dozens of glaring plot issues we have with the Disney “classic” “Aladdin,” the one that we still lose sleep over to this very day is the unanswered question we have about the peddler who introduces the story at the beginning of the flick. They never revisit him at the end! He starts the story, but disappears by the time the credits roll. What the heck happened to him?

He was a rather important character, wasn’t he? At least at the beginning of the movie anyway. He started the whole film! That’s not an important enough gig to warrant a re-visit at the end of the movie? If it was a time issue, and Disney was all of a sudden worried about running long, they surely could have cut one of the dozens of grown-up Hollywood star impressions that Robin Williams did the entire movie that completely sailed over the heads of anybody under 12 in the theater.
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Writer Accused Of Plagiarism Defends Newest Novel, Says “To Bean A Black Bird” Nothing Like “To Kill A Mockingbird”

To Bean a Blackbird

Author Charles Crichton says that even if his book was inspired by Harper Lee's book it isn't a big deal. Crichton reminds us that a new idea hasn't come out of Hollywood for years, and no one gives them a hard time.

New York—The publishing world is sharply divided over the newest plagiarism scandal rocking the industry, this time involving a little-known author whose new book is strikingly similar to a literary classic.

Full disclosure: we saw the movie, well, we saw half of the movie, “To Kill a Mockingbird.” Black and white, good triumphs over bad, creepy neighbor blah, blah, blah. We were assigned the book in junior high, but read like the first 30 pages and fell asleep. So we aren’t exactly Harper Lee scholars. But, even to our untrained literary eye, Charles Crichton’s new book, “To Bean a Black Bird” at first glance seems a little familiar.

Crichton, no relation to that dinosaur book writer dude, has said through his attorneys that he had never read Harper Lee’s classic before spending 18 months penning his new novel. But from what smarter people than we are have said, that’s hard to believe.
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TDQ Goes High Tech With Our Newest Feature

The GrinderyWe’re very excited to announce that we’ve teamed up with our good friends at The Grindery to bring you the latest in technology news once a week in a new feature we’re calling “TDQ Tech.”

Each week we’ll tell you what’s new and exciting in the world of iPads and science and technology and other things we really don’t understand. We’ll bring you the very latest that The Grindery has to offer in their expert coverage of the tech world.

In our first installment, you can read about an exciting new discovery regarding black holes, and see what happens when a laptop repair for a friend goes horribly, horribly wrong.

And we really appreciate the gang over there explaining to us who this Steve Jobs dude is.

You are now technologically informed. Go and do likewise.

Navy Sailor Facing Court-Marshal For Going AWOL After Getting Orders To Go To Guam; Said He Has Fear Of Small Islands

Guam

Guam is one of several small islands in the vast Pacific ocean: A scary proposition for those with small-island-phobia. It doesn't help that Guam's official flag looks a bit like a desert island vignette.

A sailor in the United States Navy is facing charges of going AWOL after refusing orders to ship out to Guam.

Midshipman Reginald Simmons has been in the Navy for six years, and has always been stationed in the continental United States. But when he got his orders that he was being stationed in Guam last month, he left Mayport in Jacksonville, FL without permission and went home to his family in Urbana, Ill.

“I won’t go (to Guam),” Simmons said. “If it ain’t on a continent, I won’t go. I won’t do it. I can’t do it.”
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Hotline, Website Set Up To Ease Fears, Help With Transition To Ashton Kutcher On “Two And A Half Men”

Phone Bank

Volunteers, rabid Two and a Half Men fans, work the phone bank to ease viewer concerns about the Sheen-to-Kutcher transition.

Los Angeles—Are you among the billions of people who want to learn more about Ashton Kutcher’s role on “Two and a Half Men?” There’s a hotline for that. And, thankfully, up to the season premiere next month, plenty of roadside billboards to get the word out about it.

Two 78 foot-tall billboards towering over the 405 Freeway in Southern California shout out the messages “888-Why-Ashton — Get the Facts” and “Charlie’s Gone — 1.79 Billion Celebrating. Find Out Why.”
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