Monthly Archives: May 2011

LeBron James “Really, Really Surprised” The Dallas Mavericks Actually Want To Play The NBA Finals

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LeBron James

It has been said this artist's impression of a proposed LeBron James statue is not to scale as it should be twice the size.

Miami—LeBron James said he doesn’t really understand the motivation behind the Dallas Mavericks insisting they actually play the best-of-seven NBA Finals, which are scheduled to start May 31st.

“I mean, they all saw my special last year (‘The Decision’ an hour-long LeBron love-fest that aired on ESPN last July that culminated with James stating he was leaving the Cleveland Cavaliers and taking his talents to South Beach to play for the Miami Heat),” James said. “They know I decided to come here to win a title. And to do that, we had to outplay Boston. Well, we beat Boston in round 2. Why is Dallas doing this?”
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Former Teammate Says Lance Armstrong Pumped Gas Into Container That Was Set On The Tailgate Of His Pickup Truck, Not On The Ground Like The Sign At The Pump Says

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Lance Armstrong?

The photo supplied by the accuser provides very little evidence to incriminate Lance Armstrong.

Lance Armstrong can’t catch a break. Now the seven-time Tour de France winner is fighting allegations that he illegally pumped gas into a plastic container that was sitting on the tailgate of his truck, rather than on the ground as mandated by federal law.

“I saw him pump the gas into his red container while still on the back of his truck,” former USA Team Cycling teammate Mark “Donna” Reed said. “I saw him pump it more than one time like we all did, like I did many, many times.”
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Phineas Downey, Now Preaching Acceptance, Tolerance & Anti-Hypocrisy, Ousts Foe Who Holds Different Point Of View

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AHAA

AHAA

Detroit—Phineas Downey is in the news again, this time for his attempts to oust Audrey Hogan, current president of the Anti-Hypocrisy Association of America (AHAA). Downey said that he’s only responding to calls he received from the group, and that if Hogan had kept promises she made before taking over, her position would not be in jeopardy.

“AHAA has said, time and time again, that we are inclusive of people from all walks of life and backgrounds and don’t judge others,” said Downey, who only became a member of the organization last week. “But it’s clear that Ms. Hogan does not share AHAA’s vision any longer, and therefore, she needs to go.”
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Idiot Insists His Lollipop Looks Like “Snake Eyes” From “G.I. Joe,” And That A Guerilla Ad Campaign Has Begun For “G.I. Joe 2”

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Snake Eyes Sucker?

Snake Eyes Sucker? There is more than meets the eye...Uh...rather...knowing is half the battle.

Cheyenne, WY— Byron Shepherd, a 22 year-old office worker has insisted to both the Twitter world and the World Wide Web that a sucker he was in the middle of consuming looks like “Snake Eyes,” a character from Hasbro toyline “G.I. Joe.” This naturally led him to the conclusion that he’s uncovered a guerilla advertising campaign for the much-anticipated, rumored, sequel to the 2009 action film, “G.I. Joe, Rise of Cobra.”

“It TOTALLY looks like him, dude!” read an e-mail that Shepherd sent to, well, pretty much anyone he could think of, last Friday afternoon.

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“A Really Big Shew:” A TDQ Q&A With Businessman And Former Talk Show Host Michael Essany part 2

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Michael Essany: Business Man

Here is Part 2 of our TDQ Q&A with Michael Essany:

TDQ: We hear you have something new in the works that you hope to get out soon. What can you tell us about that now?

Essany: I am excited about a new project I have in the works, but If I divulge any details I may have to kill everyone who reads this. And since we’re talking about The Daily Quarterly, I would be wiping out three-quarters of the world’s developed population.

TDQ: Your Dad said once said on your show that he thought you’d be President some day. What are your thoughts on that? Essany in 2020?

Essany: He was referring to president of the hair club for men. I don’t think I will ever reach that pinnacle of success.
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